consumption

so the problems that have been consuming my life lately are pretty unglamorous .

1. i need to buy a roundtrip plane ticket. i want to travel after i'm done with my program. no one knows what their plans are after their programs end. which means that i can't tell my mom when i'll be returning because i don't know. i don't know who i'm traveling with, i don't know where i'm traveling, and honestly, i don't even know if i'm really going to travel. maybe after four months of being abroad, i'll just want to come home. or maybe i'll be satisfied by the travel i do on the weekends. really, i never realized how hard it is to try and plan your life out six months in advance. i don't even know where i'll be next week.
2. usually, people figure out in the spring where they are going to be living the next year. i won't be here in the spring, so i need to figure it out now. well, no one knows what they are doing because it is so early. so i feel like i am pressuring people to commit when, really, they can't give me any answers.

both the situations are the same because i have to depend on other people who can't tell me what i need to know. but i get more and more frustrated because i can't control the situation. fuck.